Stuck.

In the 11^th grade, I met him. He had a perfect smile, inquisitive eyes and a caring heart. He was naive, but then again, so was I. By the end of the first month, we were the best of friends and I honestly couldn’t have asked for anyone better to stand by side. As the year came to an end, I realized that this was more than just friendship. I’d known all along, but the idea just seemed too unreal. Love at first sight was a thing of fairy tales and movies, not something that would happen in real life, and let alone to me of all people.

Acting on my feelings was a little scary. Being in love with your best friend can be amazing, but putting all of that risk was something that I wasn’t prepared for. I’d never had a friend as amazing as him, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t had any since.

As school ended, our love blossomed. It was our little secret, behind dark stairways and in hidden alleys. Alas, all good things come to an end. I had to move to another city and he had to stay behind. We tried to make it work but somehow the distance and longing was just too great for the both of us to overcome. We still met over the summers but it wasn’t the same.

After three years, I finally moved back to find him in preparation to move to another part of town. I’d waited too long for this to come crashing down on me once again.

I don’t want love, I don’t want a relationship. I just want that friendship to mend. If that friendship happens to lead down the same path again, fine, but even if it doesn’t, it’s okay because at least I’ll have one person by my side that understands me and knows me to my core.

I can’t tell him anything of how I feel because things are just too complicated and I don’t want to scare him away but for once, I wish that he was the way that he was before, and that he’d just read my mind and KNOW.

I miss having a best friend.

I miss being in love.

I miss being complete.

I know we’ve both changed and I know that things aren’t as simple as they once were but please just let there be a chance that he might feel the same way. Please.

Frustrated.
E.K.