Return of the Dead.

The universe really seems to listen in some time. More often than not, people seem to forget that no matter how bad things get, they just HAVE to turn around. It’s just the way that the world works. I’m not a big believer in god. I’m agnostic so to speak, hence, I do believe in some sort of force being out there. I do believe that something had to cause us to exist.

The past few days I’ve been having crazy fights at home. I honestly thought that I was going to lose it and do something stupid. No, I don’t committing suicide, but just running away and crashing at a friend’s place for a few days.

Being 20 years old now, I hate how I’m still treated like a 5 year old at times. I understand that “kids will always be kids regardless of how old they get” but there is a line SOMEWHERE. For example, two guys came to fix the air conditioner at our place a few days back. Mom’s nicely sitting in the corner NOT speaking to any of them, and I generally went in to ask her about where one of my t-shirts was. Soon enough, hardly 10 minutes later, dad comes in and starts scolding me and says, “You shouldn’t disturb two adults when they’re talking.” I mean, I’m generally an angry person and I don’t try to hide it but I normally don’t blow the way I did right then unless it’s justified. Just because there were two other people in that room doesn’t mean that there was a conversation going on. I asked her ONE question when she wasn’t talking to ANYONE else. I wasn’t even angry by what he said, just hurt. I started crying like a 2 year old who just stubbed her toe and screaming at him to start being reasonable. It’s insane how this has been happening every second day. I’m honestly an adult now, so I happen to know the difference between talking to another person and interrupting a conversation. I am not that stupid just because I have the occasional blonde moment.

Anyhow, in the past few days, things have just been going from bad to worse. Talking to my dad is a colossal waste of time. He sits me down and tells him how he “feels” which basically feels like a rant of “Oh look at how horrible my daughter is” and I honestly just got fed up and told him, “I have nothing to say to you.” He’s tried to make things better, only on one day, but it’s honestly too little, too late. I know family is important and I will always be there for my parents no matter what but that doesn’t mean that I keep pushing my feelings aside and smiling to their convenience. That’s not the way it’s going to work anymore. I literary feel like I’m dying inside every time I do that.

All of that aside, the point of this post was not to tell you my sob story but to tell how things always get better just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Today was the worst of all days, and I was planning on running away or something but just a few hours of laughter and hugs made me realise that the reason I appreciate my time out of the house so much is because how crappy things are at home.

My best-best-best friend, who stays in the same city but I haven’t met her in MONTHS, finally came to meet me today. I really needed a day out and I couldn’t have asked for better company. She and the guy I’d mentioned in “Stuck” stopped by for a few hours and it was so perfect. All we did was have a few beers and play a few hands of poker, but it just felt like a scene out of those sappy movies where everyone seems to be smiling through every single second.

We hadn’t planned to meet up and I had no idea that they would even be in this part of the city. That phone call was insanely unexpected and came just as I was about to pack a bag to leave. It actually came when I was in the washroom and hardly ever call people back. Maybe, one in 6 months but today was different. Something inside me just told me that I have to pick up the phone and dial.

Thank you universe for whatever part you played in all of this. Maybe it was huge, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, thank you.

Blubbering
E.K.

P.S. I know I disappeared for a few weeks. Sorry about that. I’m back now and I plan on sticking on. SO MUCH DRAMA. Meh.

Bucket List.

There’s always so much that I’ve wanted to do in life. I’ve always said that I’ll have time to do it later but somehow, later never comes. So today, I’ve decided to write my first ever bucket list. Obviously it’s going to keep evolving over time. I’ll keep adding to it over time, but there are some things that are just too important to keep putting off.

I love this guy! He is the best form of inspiration.

1. Learn how to play the guitar.
2. Learn how to sew.
3. Learn how to bake a cake.
4. Learn how to bake a cupcake.
5. Learn how to make a lasagne.
6. Learn how to make a quiche.
7. Learn how to cook non-veg food.
8. Learn French.
9. Learn Spanish.
10. Complete graduation.
11. Complete post-graduation.
12. Get a PHD.
13. Go bungee jumping.
14. Jump off a plane.
15. Start my own YouTube channel.
16. Have my own house.
17. Have a pet.
18. Have a job that makes me happy.
19. Go scuba diving.
20. Ride on a yacht.
21. Ride a jet ski.
22. Learn how to surf.
23. Learn how to fish.
24. Parasail.
25. Own an underwater lomography camera. (Fish Eye One camera with a waterproof cover.)
26. Learn how to ride a bike WITH GEARS.
27. Learn how to drive properly.
28. Learn how to tie a sari.
29. Visit London.
30. Visit Vancouver.
31. Do the whole Eurotrip thing.
32. Visit Egypt.
33. Visit the Taj Mahal.
34. Go to Goa.
35. Visit Leh.
36. Own a leather jacket.

Tomorrow I’m going to make a list of things I need to get done before I turn 21. It’s very important that I get that particular list out of the way before I turn into an “official” adult. I call it my very own right of passage.

Love.
E.K.

 

Jump. Smile. Live.

Today is a new day and I refuse to be pessimistic or depressed over things that I don’t have any control over.

My last post was about the only guy I’ve ever been in love with, but pining over that isn’t going to change the facts and I should really work towards moving on. I’ve had two whole years to do it, and it’s high time I set my head straight.

I’m 20 and nowhere near where I wanted to be in life. I need to focus on me and bettering myself. Men are always going to come and go, and eventually, I will find who I’m looking for. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? *weak smile, shrug*

I’d just like to point out, that yes, I do have a boyfriend right now but no, I don’t love him. He’s an amazing person and I like him A LOT, but love isn’t something that’s happened for us yet. He does have strong feelings for me, but I’ve made my stance on the matter pretty clear to him. No deception, no lies.

I’m still working on a schedule that works for me.

Swimming is something that I’ve been doing every day for over a month now. There’s nothing better than the feeling of water to set you in the right mood for the rest of the day. Blogging is also something that easy for me to stick to everyday because it provides for relaxation. It helps me get my head on straight and focus on what I need to get done next. Blogging is my meditation.

I can’t study for more than 90 minutes in one go, which is why I’m planning on giving myself 120 minutes for studying in each slot. I can use the last 30 minutes to revise or get other study related stuff done. It’s flexible and allows for “delays” or bathroom breaks.

I get one day a week off, to do whatever it is that I want to do, whether it’s to roam around with friends or just chill in bed at home. I’ve always given myself the evenings off to go out and get a breath of fresh air. I know for a fact that I get extremely irritable when I’m stuck indoors for the entire day.

I just feel so sluggishtoday, but I’m going to get my backside off this bed, onto my chair, AND GET TO WORK. As they say, it’s better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.  Or something like that. Whatever.

Love.
E.K.

Procrastination.

Hey there.

I have a problem.

For the past few weeks I’ve realized that I’ve become insanely lazy. I bet you’re all thinking, well, that happens to all of us but do any of you not get out of bed for the entire day?

SOURCE: http://sadmeows.tumblr.com/

I’m not able to decipher whether my lack of productivity is due to stress, no motivation or just some weird inbuilt mechanism. The point of being, I need to fix this and fast, otherwise I’m going to be in a world trouble.

Plan of Action

1. Make a to-do list. – This should help me see my priorities more clearly and help me plan out how to manage my time so that I can get most of the things done.

2. Make a rough and fairly flexible daily schedule. – I think that in the beginning it’s important to keep my schedule flexible so that I can ease myself into giving myself more responsibility. If I try and do it all at once, I fear that I might gonk under the pressure.

3. Determine a rewards system. – I think the best way to give myself incentive and keep myself motivated is by setting up some sort of a reward system where I feel like my hard work is being paid. I was thinking that if i manage to stick to my schedule for a whole week, then I can go out somewhere for a whole day or something on those lines.

Yup. I think that’s it. Three simple steps towards, what is hopefully, going to be a better lifestyle. If you guys have any other suggestions or ideas to help me get out of my funk, please do share them. I can use all the help that I can get.

E.K.