Return of the Dead.

The universe really seems to listen in some time. More often than not, people seem to forget that no matter how bad things get, they just HAVE to turn around. It’s just the way that the world works. I’m not a big believer in god. I’m agnostic so to speak, hence, I do believe in some sort of force being out there. I do believe that something had to cause us to exist.

The past few days I’ve been having crazy fights at home. I honestly thought that I was going to lose it and do something stupid. No, I don’t committing suicide, but just running away and crashing at a friend’s place for a few days.

Being 20 years old now, I hate how I’m still treated like a 5 year old at times. I understand that “kids will always be kids regardless of how old they get” but there is a line SOMEWHERE. For example, two guys came to fix the air conditioner at our place a few days back. Mom’s nicely sitting in the corner NOT speaking to any of them, and I generally went in to ask her about where one of my t-shirts was. Soon enough, hardly 10 minutes later, dad comes in and starts scolding me and says, “You shouldn’t disturb two adults when they’re talking.” I mean, I’m generally an angry person and I don’t try to hide it but I normally don’t blow the way I did right then unless it’s justified. Just because there were two other people in that room doesn’t mean that there was a conversation going on. I asked her ONE question when she wasn’t talking to ANYONE else. I wasn’t even angry by what he said, just hurt. I started crying like a 2 year old who just stubbed her toe and screaming at him to start being reasonable. It’s insane how this has been happening every second day. I’m honestly an adult now, so I happen to know the difference between talking to another person and interrupting a conversation. I am not that stupid just because I have the occasional blonde moment.

Anyhow, in the past few days, things have just been going from bad to worse. Talking to my dad is a colossal waste of time. He sits me down and tells him how he “feels” which basically feels like a rant of “Oh look at how horrible my daughter is” and I honestly just got fed up and told him, “I have nothing to say to you.” He’s tried to make things better, only on one day, but it’s honestly too little, too late. I know family is important and I will always be there for my parents no matter what but that doesn’t mean that I keep pushing my feelings aside and smiling to their convenience. That’s not the way it’s going to work anymore. I literary feel like I’m dying inside every time I do that.

All of that aside, the point of this post was not to tell you my sob story but to tell how things always get better just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Today was the worst of all days, and I was planning on running away or something but just a few hours of laughter and hugs made me realise that the reason I appreciate my time out of the house so much is because how crappy things are at home.

My best-best-best friend, who stays in the same city but I haven’t met her in MONTHS, finally came to meet me today. I really needed a day out and I couldn’t have asked for better company. She and the guy I’d mentioned in “Stuck” stopped by for a few hours and it was so perfect. All we did was have a few beers and play a few hands of poker, but it just felt like a scene out of those sappy movies where everyone seems to be smiling through every single second.

We hadn’t planned to meet up and I had no idea that they would even be in this part of the city. That phone call was insanely unexpected and came just as I was about to pack a bag to leave. It actually came when I was in the washroom and hardly ever call people back. Maybe, one in 6 months but today was different. Something inside me just told me that I have to pick up the phone and dial.

Thank you universe for whatever part you played in all of this. Maybe it was huge, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, thank you.

Blubbering
E.K.

P.S. I know I disappeared for a few weeks. Sorry about that. I’m back now and I plan on sticking on. SO MUCH DRAMA. Meh.